So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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