I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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