What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
No more Irish car bombs ever.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
