It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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