I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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