fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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