tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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