I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
