Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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