she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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