I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
