She's JV to your varsity
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
