You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
