Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
When did angry sex become our thing?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
