it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
