All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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