do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
