I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
