I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
