just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
