Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
