Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
