Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
