My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
