Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My boob is missing a layer of skin
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
