i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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