LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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