did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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