we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
