did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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