Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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