I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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