I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
