Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
