to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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