I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
