My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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