So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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