Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
