I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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