i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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