when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
