remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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