You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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