At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
True college students do jello shots in the library
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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