At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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