They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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