maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
