I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
