So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
where are my eyebrows?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
