He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
