You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Randomize
