and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
