If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
A bitchslap is in order.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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